[He's not entirely certain about that, but there's a reason 'I'm fine' is one of the most common things he says to people...]
So, you gonna poke around in my head for stuff about Sephiroth?
[It occurs to him that if Sophie's digging around in his mind, she's probably going to find...whatever it is that's going on with him. Weird memory glitches, the feeling that he isn't wholly himself, all that stuff. He doesn't want her to, but on the other hand, maybe she could actually tell him what's happening and help him fix it. Hmm.]
I mean, I can. I was hoping to traumatize you gradually so you don't get too spooked and have time to learn how to unfuck your own brain in the process, but sure, we can go through your life's worst moments. I'm not doing anything.
(Meaning: up to him. It sounds like a lot, and if he's not ready to let her in, she thinks it's going to worsen it.)
Tell me how you met this asshole. Why is he so keen on ruining your fucking life?
(Talking, yes. So he has some leeway, and she starts noticing what he doesn't want to talk about so she can poke it with a stick later. She'll look into his mind just a little bit, for vibes and feelings, without going fully in with the thought process.)
[Okay, that's not the worst tale to tell. He's told it once already. This is probably fine.]
Right. Well, he and I were both in the SOLDIER program together back home. Supersoldiers enhanced with the Planet's life energy, basically. He wasn't an asshole, then - he was a hero.
[The feelings are already strong, despite the detached way he's telling the story. Beneath his stoic exterior, there's a potent undercurrent of betrayal and rage, years-old shock and horror; the feeling that Sephiroth wasn't just a hero, but Cloud's hero.]
We were on a mission together in my hometown when he found out about the experiments. He was conceived and born as a science project, genetically altered with the DNA of a psychic alien the lab dug up from an ancient crater and designed to be the strongest warrior on the Planet. He spent a week holed up in a library reading all the reports and findings from the project, and then he burnt down the whole village, killed...everybody.
[Outwardly, he's still mostly calm, maybe a bit melancholy. The feelings he's pushing down are a tumult of grief and fear and helplessness, with a side of self-loathing for not being able to stop it from happening.]
So I killed him. And then five years later, he came back, somehow. He's hell-bent on summoning a meteor to smash into the Planet and becoming some kind of multiversal god, and...I guess he's focused on me because I'm the only one who's ever beaten him. Revenge for killing him.
[There's definitely more to it than that, though, according to the vibes Sophie's getting from him. Dread and horror, fear of himself and of Sephiroth, confusion, shame, guilt...
...and underneath all of that, there's something else, vague and mostly subconscious. Some kind of connection, maybe, or an inevitable pull, and the sense that there's a lot more in Cloud's head than he consciously knows about, secrets hidden in dark parts of his mind he can't currently access.]
(She's keeping a neutral expression as she listens, nails tapping on the couch cushion as she pays attention to both words and feelings.)
Were you in there by choice or were you just as unfortunate as he was? And what was your purpose? I mean, no one is out there making super soldiers just because they're bored. There's more interesting, nefarious shit to do if that's the case. So, what's up with that?
(Oh, yikes, it's a lot to weed through up in that nogging. Both his and Sephiroth's, if she decides to take that trip. Undecided yet. Maybe, if she finds him a danger too real for Cloud to take on, or if he's life is in jeopardy. She took him under her wing now, and that means she fights for him, too. To be seen what's needed.)
Mhm, nope. So, you feel things, and then at a certain point, they bounce back. There's a wall in there, which either was put in there on purpose or you made it yourself. If it's the latter, well. If I touch that wall, and you're not ready to deal with it, you'll have a psychotic breakdown, and that's very annoying to deal with.
(Worrying. Dangerous. Not annoying. She'd care for him in a heartbeat.)
[There's a brief moment right as he's about to answer her questions about SOLDIER where he hesitates, and Sophie picks up what feels almost like glitchy static at the edges of Cloud's mind. Then it fades and he goes on like nothing happened.]
By choice. I joined up because when I was younger, the propaganda machine convinced everybody that the war we were waging on a nearby country was just and necessary, and Sephiroth was a great war hero for clinching our victory. But by the time I made it in, the war was over and we were just...an elite fighting force at Shinra's beck and call to take down anyone or anything that challenged them.
[His eyes widen when she explains what she's found in his head, accompanied by a profound and desperate dread.]
A wall? What--
[But if he's honest with himself, it's not as surprising to hear as it could be. All the missing memories and lost time, the weird headaches, the things he somehow knows that he shouldn't, stuff that doesn't add up...this might explain everything. But if Sophie's right, breaking down that wall could be a disaster.
But he's sick of living in the dark with nothing but the feeling that something is very, very wrong inside his head.
He lets out a breath, frowning.]
Everything I've said so far is nothing I haven't told my friends back home. But...there's more, and I think that wall you're talking about is the crux of it. Something's been off about my memories, ever since...
[He tries to think back to when it started, but that glitchy static returns, and this time it sends pain shooting through his head. He flinches, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing one palm against his temple, though it doesn't help. Flashes of half-remembered events flicker through his mind in quick succession - stumbling into a train station, talking to Tifa, watching a tall silhouette walk away into the bright sun--and then it's all gone again. The pain fades, and Cloud catches his breath for a second.]
(All this is very interesting. It's a challenge, and ugh, when she said she wanted to walk on Emma's shoes to avoid becoming her, she didn't think Etraya would give her so many opportunities at once. Kids to mentor, minds to unfuck, people to take care of. Okay. Well. She at least feels like she's on the right path. It's just going to take time, but Cloud has been warned about it.
She's making this class schedule in her head. Telepathy principles, okay, some of them are out. Suggestion. Maybe if she traumatizes him by jumping into his skin next class, it will make everything way less intense. She has to think this through. There is no way this isn't going to be traumatizing to some degree. Telepathy is intrusive, and intrusive is where Sophie shines — she just has to push the right buttons at the right time. For today, that's not going to be it. She has got to understand the general situation before she makes a plan of attack.
Listening it is. Feeling it out. Seeing where he stops so she can pry it open one by one. Delightful, sorry, she feels bad she finds it delightful, but that's literally what he is asking of her, so —
Ouch. Fuck, she was not prepared for the startle! As soon as she senses the pain, she blocks him out so she's not affected, her hand moving to his back in an awkward, but very genuine attempt to soothe.)
There, there, Cloud. I think you touched the electric fence, hm? I already know where to poke. You should rest up for today. I'm going to pause my Ethics classes — don't worry, I'm not good at it — to focus on you during those time slots, okay? Twice a week. One, lighter, the other we're exploring your brain.
We did a lot, are you insane? I didn't say you can't keep going, I said you should rest, and I should strategize this instead of just poking around. Go eat something.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2026-01-28 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-01-29 04:02 am (UTC)[He's not entirely certain about that, but there's a reason 'I'm fine' is one of the most common things he says to people...]
So, you gonna poke around in my head for stuff about Sephiroth?
[It occurs to him that if Sophie's digging around in his mind, she's probably going to find...whatever it is that's going on with him. Weird memory glitches, the feeling that he isn't wholly himself, all that stuff. He doesn't want her to, but on the other hand, maybe she could actually tell him what's happening and help him fix it. Hmm.]
no subject
Date: 2026-01-30 01:42 am (UTC)(Meaning: up to him. It sounds like a lot, and if he's not ready to let her in, she thinks it's going to worsen it.)
no subject
Date: 2026-01-30 08:08 am (UTC)[Except in the sense that if she's not poking around in his head, it means she's expecting him to talk about this stuff, probably.]
So where do we start?
no subject
Date: 2026-01-30 11:01 am (UTC)(Talking, yes. So he has some leeway, and she starts noticing what he doesn't want to talk about so she can poke it with a stick later. She'll look into his mind just a little bit, for vibes and feelings, without going fully in with the thought process.)
no subject
Date: 2026-01-31 08:58 am (UTC)Right. Well, he and I were both in the SOLDIER program together back home. Supersoldiers enhanced with the Planet's life energy, basically. He wasn't an asshole, then - he was a hero.
[The feelings are already strong, despite the detached way he's telling the story. Beneath his stoic exterior, there's a potent undercurrent of betrayal and rage, years-old shock and horror; the feeling that Sephiroth wasn't just a hero, but Cloud's hero.]
We were on a mission together in my hometown when he found out about the experiments. He was conceived and born as a science project, genetically altered with the DNA of a psychic alien the lab dug up from an ancient crater and designed to be the strongest warrior on the Planet. He spent a week holed up in a library reading all the reports and findings from the project, and then he burnt down the whole village, killed...everybody.
[Outwardly, he's still mostly calm, maybe a bit melancholy. The feelings he's pushing down are a tumult of grief and fear and helplessness, with a side of self-loathing for not being able to stop it from happening.]
So I killed him. And then five years later, he came back, somehow. He's hell-bent on summoning a meteor to smash into the Planet and becoming some kind of multiversal god, and...I guess he's focused on me because I'm the only one who's ever beaten him. Revenge for killing him.
[There's definitely more to it than that, though, according to the vibes Sophie's getting from him. Dread and horror, fear of himself and of Sephiroth, confusion, shame, guilt...
...and underneath all of that, there's something else, vague and mostly subconscious. Some kind of connection, maybe, or an inevitable pull, and the sense that there's a lot more in Cloud's head than he consciously knows about, secrets hidden in dark parts of his mind he can't currently access.]
im so canonblind this is so fun for me lmao
Date: 2026-02-01 03:15 am (UTC)Were you in there by choice or were you just as unfortunate as he was? And what was your purpose? I mean, no one is out there making super soldiers just because they're bored. There's more interesting, nefarious shit to do if that's the case. So, what's up with that?
(Oh, yikes, it's a lot to weed through up in that nogging. Both his and Sephiroth's, if she decides to take that trip. Undecided yet. Maybe, if she finds him a danger too real for Cloud to take on, or if he's life is in jeopardy. She took him under her wing now, and that means she fights for him, too. To be seen what's needed.)
Mhm, nope. So, you feel things, and then at a certain point, they bounce back. There's a wall in there, which either was put in there on purpose or you made it yourself. If it's the latter, well. If I touch that wall, and you're not ready to deal with it, you'll have a psychotic breakdown, and that's very annoying to deal with.
(Worrying. Dangerous. Not annoying. She'd care for him in a heartbeat.)
How do you feel about telling me all this?
omg welcome to the FFVII experience XD
Date: 2026-02-01 07:23 am (UTC)By choice. I joined up because when I was younger, the propaganda machine convinced everybody that the war we were waging on a nearby country was just and necessary, and Sephiroth was a great war hero for clinching our victory. But by the time I made it in, the war was over and we were just...an elite fighting force at Shinra's beck and call to take down anyone or anything that challenged them.
[His eyes widen when she explains what she's found in his head, accompanied by a profound and desperate dread.]
A wall? What--
[But if he's honest with himself, it's not as surprising to hear as it could be. All the missing memories and lost time, the weird headaches, the things he somehow knows that he shouldn't, stuff that doesn't add up...this might explain everything. But if Sophie's right, breaking down that wall could be a disaster.
But he's sick of living in the dark with nothing but the feeling that something is very, very wrong inside his head.
He lets out a breath, frowning.]
Everything I've said so far is nothing I haven't told my friends back home. But...there's more, and I think that wall you're talking about is the crux of it. Something's been off about my memories, ever since...
[He tries to think back to when it started, but that glitchy static returns, and this time it sends pain shooting through his head. He flinches, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing one palm against his temple, though it doesn't help. Flashes of half-remembered events flicker through his mind in quick succession - stumbling into a train station, talking to Tifa, watching a tall silhouette walk away into the bright sun--and then it's all gone again. The pain fades, and Cloud catches his breath for a second.]
...I...I dunno. Not sure when it started.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-01 06:39 pm (UTC)She's making this class schedule in her head. Telepathy principles, okay, some of them are out. Suggestion. Maybe if she traumatizes him by jumping into his skin next class, it will make everything way less intense. She has to think this through. There is no way this isn't going to be traumatizing to some degree. Telepathy is intrusive, and intrusive is where Sophie shines — she just has to push the right buttons at the right time. For today, that's not going to be it. She has got to understand the general situation before she makes a plan of attack.
Listening it is. Feeling it out. Seeing where he stops so she can pry it open one by one. Delightful, sorry, she feels bad she finds it delightful, but that's literally what he is asking of her, so —
Ouch. Fuck, she was not prepared for the startle! As soon as she senses the pain, she blocks him out so she's not affected, her hand moving to his back in an awkward, but very genuine attempt to soothe.)
There, there, Cloud. I think you touched the electric fence, hm? I already know where to poke. You should rest up for today. I'm going to pause my Ethics classes — don't worry, I'm not good at it — to focus on you during those time slots, okay? Twice a week. One, lighter, the other we're exploring your brain.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-03 05:13 am (UTC)[This kept happening back home, too, everybody telling him he should go get some rest. But he doesn't want to rest, he wants to fix this.]
I know - you said be patient, but come on, we barely did anything yet.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 10:24 pm (UTC)